Why I'm Leaving Facebook

Ok, so I'm not completely "logging off," but I am going to begin to treat Facebook like I do all other forms of media, being a little more careful and selective with my intake.

For years I have been very picky about the music I choose to listen to.  It started when I was in high school and had an hour drive to school each day.  I just hated listening to crass morning shows and obnoxious, loud, foul music.  It just didn't put me in a good mood.  I decided I only wanted to listen to things that were uplifting, and I've refined my definition of uplifting as I've gotten older.

After that I began to think the same way about much of my media intake.  I'll only watch so much news before I change the channel, there are only certain types of television shows I'll watch and if one of my regulars gets to be too much, I just don't watch that episode.  I'm selective with movies and even selective with reading, particularly online articles.  I NEVER read the comments after an article, bottom line, I've formed my opinion from reading and don't care to become angered as I read, what I find to be, the ridiculousness that people are willing to spew on public internet forums.

So, what does this have to do with Facebook?  I have realized in the past few days that, while Facebook is a great tool for me to keep up with friends who I otherwise may not stay as close to, it is also a great detriment.  Too often articles are posted, comments are made and statuses published that will have a negative impact on me.  Some anger, some hurt, some make me question decisions I make, some (whether true or not) I feel are targeting me and then I spend entirely too much time and energy analyzing it trying to decide how to respond.  I mean really, it's just ridiculous.  Yes, I understand I can unfriend people, block people, unfollow people, the bottom line is that I just don't want the site to be such a big part of my life.

I check facebook on my phone like I check the time on my watch.  It's craziness.  Why?  For what?  What on earth could be so interesting?  Why do I read those stupid articles that I know are only going to infuriate me?  Why do I read the comments that only make it worse?

I've given up Facebook the past 2 years for Lent, thinking it would somehow curb my usage.  It does, for 40 days and that's about it.  I need to unplug.  I need to stop caring how other people think children SHOULD be raised and focus on raising the two I have the way Robert and I think they should be raised, doing what is right for us and our family.  I need to stop caring what other people think about all things political, and remember WHO I am and allow that to define me and guide my opinions.  I need to stop thinking I "know" someone because we are Facebook friends.  I need to pick up the phone and have a conversation with them, or at the very least, send a personal email to touch base.

So, with that I'm guarding myself against Facebook like I have all other forms of media.  I'm even going to delete the app on my phone :)  It's time to UNPLUG a little!

Sunshine!

As I sit here, with more than plenty of housework to do, I realize just how long it's been since I've written a blog post.  It definitely is always on the bottom of the "to do" list inspite of the fact that there are always posts swirling wildly in my head; posts about my mom, my children, my thoughts on politics and theology, perspective on life, reflections on the holidays, Collin's 6 years with us, and other ramblings.  But for today, in an effort to get back at it, I am just going to talk about sunshine.

I love seasons.  I have always loved seasons.  Yet, I've learned something during my first winter in Maryland (Robert keeps reminding me that this is an unusual winter here and everywhere), I love MILD seasons.  I enjoy the change from winter to spring to summer to fall.  I embrace all that is to be enjoyed with each season, but I like winter temperatures that hit below freezing ONLY for a few days out of the ENTIRE season, not days on end for , what seems like, weeks on end.  I enjoy snow, for a day, maybe two.  I do not enjoy snow for days on end.  I've learned that there are two main reasons for this: 1 - when it is bitter cold, it's too cold to be outside...meaning too cold to so much as walk out of the house to the car, from the car to the store.  It's too cold to do anything.  2 - there is very little sunshine and I have historically greatly underestimated the power of sunshine.  There must really be something to that whole Vitamin D thing.  

So, when I woke up yesterday morning and saw the sun shining brightly, with not a single cloud to obstruct its rays all I could think of was soaking it in.  Inspite of the below freezing temperatures our family bundled up to soak up some rays.

It was cook out time at the park with Mr. John.  We grilled hotdogs.

Roasted marshmallows for s'mores.

Played some croquet (Collin came in second).

And enjoyed the playground.

It was freezing, literally, but we had a wonderful time being outside, in the sun, spending time with each other and a good friend (Elan we missed you).  It was just what we needed to be able to smile when we saw the snow on the ground this morning.

So, here's to sun (and all of the wonderful analogies you can make with this) and what promises to be a gorgeous spring here in Southern Maryland.

Ninja Mom

This is my new favorite term.  I first heard it in a blog I posted on facebook, so I can't take credit (http://themattwalshblog.com/2013/09/15/dear-parents-you-need-to-control-your-kids-sincerely-non-parents/).
Matt Walsh uses it to refer to a mom who, inspite of her toddler's complete meltdown in the middle of the grocery store, who, inspite of glaring eyes and disapproving comments from those around, who, inspite of her embarassment, chose to instruct and discipline her child when it would have been easiest to give in to the demands.  With that explanation I have to let you know that I have some friends who are ninja moms.  While I hope the following post does not embarass one of them, I feel like I should share.  She showed the rest of us a great example of the difficulty, self sacrifice and necessity of being a good parent.

I had some friends (and their children) over for a playdate.  It was, obviously, chaotic, but it was fun.  The children had a wonderful time playing together and the moms got some much needed adult conversation.  As is with most playdates there is no ending time because nap time will beckon for each child and her mom will take her home.  Sometimes this happens in a subtle whine and rubbing of the eyes, and sometimes it happens in a hysterical meltdown.  The latter was the case with my friend's 3 year old.
I'm uncertain how it started, what triggered her devastation, but when the floodgates opened there was no closing them, not even a little.  She was crying and screaming at the top of her lungs.  It was so loud my friend had her daughter sit outside until she could gather their things.  Even outside we (and the rest of the neighborhood) could hear her quite clearly.  My friend remained remarkably calm.  She gathered their things (and her other child), apologized (none needed in the present company), and calmly took her daughter's hand and insisted they were leaving because her behavior was unacceptable.
About 10 minutes later, there was a knock on my door, my friend and her daughter had returned.  While the child was still visibly upset she had calmed.  My friend asked everyone to please pay attention because her daughter had something to say.  At this point the little girl (with some coaxing) apologized to everyone for her behavior.  WOW!!  NINJA MOM!!  Not only did she remain calm through this whole process, but she put forth the effort, the inconvenient, slightly embarassing (again, no need in the present company) effort to not only calm her daughter and speak to her at home, but to teach her that apologizing is important and necessary.  She came back, with 2 children, to bring the lesson full circle, to drive home her point.  Even though every mom in the room could have, would have, excused the daughter from the apology, given her the "out" because she was tired, because she is 3, we all knew the importance of what was happening.  We all knew this was important.  So, we all paid attention, waited for the apology and then hugged my friend's daughter.  Instead of telling her "it's ok" we thanked her for her apology and told her we'd love to have a playdate with her again soon.  And we were telling the truth!
I have been thinking about this a few days now, wondering if I'd be able to stay that calm.  Wondering if I would put forth the extra effort to return.  Wondering if I could be a Ninja Mom.  Then, this morning I read an article about parents in a town whose children broke into a vacant home, threw a party during which the home was destroyed and are now angry with the homeowner, the victim, for trying to help the children instead of calling the police.  THAT is what happens when we refuse to be Ninja parents.  THAT is what happens when we are so busy being friends, or so busy trying to make sure our children never know the disappointment of a consequence.  THAT is what happens when we excuse every misbehavior starting at 18 months.  THAT is what happens when we refuse to be parents.  Then we wonder why our children are so out of control in their teen years.  As a parent you should NEVER be judged by what your children DO, but you should be by how you respond, and my friend did it right!!
I still won't say her name, but she knows who she is.  Way to go friend, I'm taking notes!

The Punctuation Mark

At my age I have watched the slow aging, and ultimate decline of a handful of people in my life.  People, who inspite of their present state, are forever trapped in my mind's eye as the young, capable, caregiving people they were when I was young.  This, I have learned, is the most difficult part of growing up.  Yes, there are more responsibilities, bills to pay, jobs to attend, worry beyond anything a child can imagine; but in the end the aging and illness of those who took care of us, the changing of roles, ultimately the death is so much more difficult to me than anything else.  The responsibilities we're prepared for, we know those are coming.  I'm not sure any of us realize the difficulty of watching those who raised us, those who loved us, those who took care of us, now needing the care.  It's such a painful turn sometimes.
Most recently I have watched this happen to my grandmother.  As I see this steel magnolia, always so stubborn, defiant and resilient in the face of trial, suffering and pain; a woman of faith that surpasses understanding; a woman of independence far ahead of her time; a woman of grace and class and modesty, in a nursing home with little ability to carry on a conversation, take care of herself or even enjoy her final years I am heartbroken. What I failed to appreciate about her as a child, I so respect and love about her as an adult. To watch a life full of exclamation points coming to an end with a mere period absolutely infuriates me.
How does this happen?  Why does this happen?  Why is it that we can spend a lifetime living, loving, enjoying, building, taking whatever comes our way and thriving inspite or because of it, yet, end life in the care of strangers with no modesty, no home and no ability to care for ourselves?  How do we spend a lifetime chasing the exclamation points to end with a simple period?  Where is the humanity in this?  More importantly, what is the lesson in this?  Is the lesson for the children or grandchildren?  Is it to live every moment because you never know how it's going to end?  Is the purpose to do everything we can to keep our own parents from such a fate?  Is it to remind us of the humanity of the elderly?  Is it to remind us that even though they are weakened, they are frail and seem ignorant, they were once the greatest generation, they were once the young people out to conquer the world.  They were once the caregivers, the parents, the intelligent, the fit and the strong.   And maybe, just maybe in their showing us grace and acceptance in aging and all that comes with it, they can end their lives as they lived them, full exclamation points.
For our steel magnolia...we will always and only remember the exclamation points.

 

The Perfect Day

We are some of the lucky few who get to experience fall and all it was meant to be.  The weather here is gorgeous right now.  The temperature is slowly dropping, the sun is warm and skies are clear.  The air is crisp and everyone leaves the windows open.  Saturday is football, but this year we get to watch Collin play as well.  He had his first game this past weekend.

He did really well, and was so excited to play.  He had been counting down to this all week.  Mouthguard in place, flags tied and he's ready to go.

What he doesn't understand is that if he plays for the Redskins, why is his game at a different time than the one on TV...yeah, we're working on that one.

Legare is not so impressed with Collin's performance, or that of the other players.

She found hopping, running and jumping on the sidewalk much more interesting.

Of course, after expending that kind of energy she had to have a snack (facing the opposite direction of the field).  Apparently if the Gamecocks aren't playing it's just not that cool.

Collin's team lost the game, but played well.  In the end, he had a great time and is practicing in the yard to be better next week.  As long as he's happy with himself we think he did well.

After the game it was off to the airport to meet Dusty.  Yes, Dusty, as in the star of the Disney movie planes.  

The amazing thing about living where we do and having a spouse/parent who works in the aviation industry is our access to some really cool stuff.  One of the guys who works at Test Pilot School owns a crop duster, just like Dusty.  Since the base movie theatre was showing Planes this past Saturday, Mr. Lowry allowed the children to come out and meet Dusty.

 




After a tour of the plane and watching some others take off, it was home for college football and a cook out with friends.  Inspite of a dirty kitchen, when all was said and done we had a wonderfully perfect day!

Quick Trip

We used to do a lot more of those than we seem to be able to do now, but we were able to break away for the weekend and get home to see Robert's parents.  The excuse was the annual start to dove season (which we missed because it fell on the Monday of the labor day weekend, so we were there this past weekend for the hunt).  I think the hunt may actually have been more like a picnic, but the guys had some much needed time together outside.  In the meantime chaos reigned inside, outside and all around.

We (Brian, Erika, Robert and myself) laugh often because for years Robert's parents were begging for grandchildren.  In less than 5 years they got 5.  While we love being together, it's always crazy with 5 children, 5 and under running around.

They do love each other so much and enjoy their time together.  Stella even planned a suprise party for Collin, just because.  She set up games, crafts and snacks for their party on the porch.  As the kiddos get older we encourage more and more time outside, keeps the house a little more calm and is GREAT for them.  There is plenty of space for them to run and play and enjoy the outdoors.

Nana even joins them most of the time.

Collin is always up for a game of croquet with whoever will play, or just by himself.

Then, of course, there was Carolina football!  

Inspite of our house full of gameday gear we couldn't push the Gamecocks to victory.  It was disappointing, but fun to watch the game with a house full of family.

Mr. Wicker loves the presence of his family at church, particularly when it's time for the children's sermon.  He even doesn't mind when Legare claps and yells, "yay!" as he finishes the prayer.

We had a wonderful lunch at the Belmont Inn in Abbeville.  The food was delicious, the children behaved and wonderfully and it was a beautiful place.

After lunch Legare enjoyed helping emerson learn to walk.

Nana had some time with her kiddos,

and there was even a game of hide n go seek.

 and some family pictures

It was definitely a quick trip, but it was a wonderful visit.

What I Want My Son to Know...

When Collin was born I was overwhelmed with a sense of responsibility; not just responsibility for his care, but responsibility for the man he would one day become.  I knew much of that would be taken care of by Robert, but I also knew, that as his mom, time with me would be important, and our relationship would be the foundation for any to come.  I knew I would have a much different perspective on raising a man than Robert, and that would make us a great team.  So, here is what I want my son to know...

- He is loved, treasured and wanted
- WHO he is, and WHOSE he is
- Gentleness, peacefulness and kindness are not unmanly, and are much needed in our society
- Reach for the stars in all that you do
- Your Dad and I are ALWAYS on your side, we are your biggest fans
- You can ALWAYS come home, no matter what
- There is a consequence, good or bad, for every decision, so each decision should be made wisely.
- There really is life after high school, as a matter of fact, I would argue life starts after high school.
- Remember to treat each girl you date like you want the guy who is dating your future wife to treat her
- Take a lesson of what NOT to do from our pop culture icons.
- Just because a girl makes herself available, fawns over you for attention and acts inappropirately doesn't mean you should take advantage of the situation.
- Girls are manipulative, WATCH OUT
- ALWAYS be a gentleman, chivalry is not dead
- Treat everyone you encounter with respect
- Expect others to treat you with respect, including women.  It is just as important for a woman to respect a man as it is for a man to respect a woman.
- DREAM, and dream BIG, Then go chase them, chase those dreams wherever they lead you, whether you catch them or not you'll be happy with where you land and have had one heck of a journey.
- You can do anything you set your mind to
- Be happy, but not at the expense of someone else
- Respect your elders, not just because they have earned it (which they have), but because there are elders you love, and you hope when people your age encounter your grandparents that they treat them respectfully.
- Be grateful, grateful for what you have you never have to look far to find someone who has it worse.  Be grateful for what others do for you it is out of love, respect, admiration for you that it is done.
- Live with dignity in the way you act, the way you dress, the way you speak.
- Stand up for yourself, you are worth it
- Stand up for others, they are worth it too
- Learn how to cook
- Learn how to do laundry
- Respect people in authority, this will serve you well in many arenas of life.  This is not to say you never question, but question with respect and continue to respect them even when you disagree.
- Travel, see the world, see the United States, learn about other cultures and people.
- Do not isolate yourself from people in need, YOU may be just who they need.
-Know God, Love God, follow his guidance and direction for your life and you'll never go wrong.