Ninja Mom

This is my new favorite term.  I first heard it in a blog I posted on facebook, so I can't take credit (http://themattwalshblog.com/2013/09/15/dear-parents-you-need-to-control-your-kids-sincerely-non-parents/).
Matt Walsh uses it to refer to a mom who, inspite of her toddler's complete meltdown in the middle of the grocery store, who, inspite of glaring eyes and disapproving comments from those around, who, inspite of her embarassment, chose to instruct and discipline her child when it would have been easiest to give in to the demands.  With that explanation I have to let you know that I have some friends who are ninja moms.  While I hope the following post does not embarass one of them, I feel like I should share.  She showed the rest of us a great example of the difficulty, self sacrifice and necessity of being a good parent.

I had some friends (and their children) over for a playdate.  It was, obviously, chaotic, but it was fun.  The children had a wonderful time playing together and the moms got some much needed adult conversation.  As is with most playdates there is no ending time because nap time will beckon for each child and her mom will take her home.  Sometimes this happens in a subtle whine and rubbing of the eyes, and sometimes it happens in a hysterical meltdown.  The latter was the case with my friend's 3 year old.
I'm uncertain how it started, what triggered her devastation, but when the floodgates opened there was no closing them, not even a little.  She was crying and screaming at the top of her lungs.  It was so loud my friend had her daughter sit outside until she could gather their things.  Even outside we (and the rest of the neighborhood) could hear her quite clearly.  My friend remained remarkably calm.  She gathered their things (and her other child), apologized (none needed in the present company), and calmly took her daughter's hand and insisted they were leaving because her behavior was unacceptable.
About 10 minutes later, there was a knock on my door, my friend and her daughter had returned.  While the child was still visibly upset she had calmed.  My friend asked everyone to please pay attention because her daughter had something to say.  At this point the little girl (with some coaxing) apologized to everyone for her behavior.  WOW!!  NINJA MOM!!  Not only did she remain calm through this whole process, but she put forth the effort, the inconvenient, slightly embarassing (again, no need in the present company) effort to not only calm her daughter and speak to her at home, but to teach her that apologizing is important and necessary.  She came back, with 2 children, to bring the lesson full circle, to drive home her point.  Even though every mom in the room could have, would have, excused the daughter from the apology, given her the "out" because she was tired, because she is 3, we all knew the importance of what was happening.  We all knew this was important.  So, we all paid attention, waited for the apology and then hugged my friend's daughter.  Instead of telling her "it's ok" we thanked her for her apology and told her we'd love to have a playdate with her again soon.  And we were telling the truth!
I have been thinking about this a few days now, wondering if I'd be able to stay that calm.  Wondering if I would put forth the extra effort to return.  Wondering if I could be a Ninja Mom.  Then, this morning I read an article about parents in a town whose children broke into a vacant home, threw a party during which the home was destroyed and are now angry with the homeowner, the victim, for trying to help the children instead of calling the police.  THAT is what happens when we refuse to be Ninja parents.  THAT is what happens when we are so busy being friends, or so busy trying to make sure our children never know the disappointment of a consequence.  THAT is what happens when we excuse every misbehavior starting at 18 months.  THAT is what happens when we refuse to be parents.  Then we wonder why our children are so out of control in their teen years.  As a parent you should NEVER be judged by what your children DO, but you should be by how you respond, and my friend did it right!!
I still won't say her name, but she knows who she is.  Way to go friend, I'm taking notes!

The Punctuation Mark

At my age I have watched the slow aging, and ultimate decline of a handful of people in my life.  People, who inspite of their present state, are forever trapped in my mind's eye as the young, capable, caregiving people they were when I was young.  This, I have learned, is the most difficult part of growing up.  Yes, there are more responsibilities, bills to pay, jobs to attend, worry beyond anything a child can imagine; but in the end the aging and illness of those who took care of us, the changing of roles, ultimately the death is so much more difficult to me than anything else.  The responsibilities we're prepared for, we know those are coming.  I'm not sure any of us realize the difficulty of watching those who raised us, those who loved us, those who took care of us, now needing the care.  It's such a painful turn sometimes.
Most recently I have watched this happen to my grandmother.  As I see this steel magnolia, always so stubborn, defiant and resilient in the face of trial, suffering and pain; a woman of faith that surpasses understanding; a woman of independence far ahead of her time; a woman of grace and class and modesty, in a nursing home with little ability to carry on a conversation, take care of herself or even enjoy her final years I am heartbroken. What I failed to appreciate about her as a child, I so respect and love about her as an adult. To watch a life full of exclamation points coming to an end with a mere period absolutely infuriates me.
How does this happen?  Why does this happen?  Why is it that we can spend a lifetime living, loving, enjoying, building, taking whatever comes our way and thriving inspite or because of it, yet, end life in the care of strangers with no modesty, no home and no ability to care for ourselves?  How do we spend a lifetime chasing the exclamation points to end with a simple period?  Where is the humanity in this?  More importantly, what is the lesson in this?  Is the lesson for the children or grandchildren?  Is it to live every moment because you never know how it's going to end?  Is the purpose to do everything we can to keep our own parents from such a fate?  Is it to remind us of the humanity of the elderly?  Is it to remind us that even though they are weakened, they are frail and seem ignorant, they were once the greatest generation, they were once the young people out to conquer the world.  They were once the caregivers, the parents, the intelligent, the fit and the strong.   And maybe, just maybe in their showing us grace and acceptance in aging and all that comes with it, they can end their lives as they lived them, full exclamation points.
For our steel magnolia...we will always and only remember the exclamation points.

 

The Perfect Day

We are some of the lucky few who get to experience fall and all it was meant to be.  The weather here is gorgeous right now.  The temperature is slowly dropping, the sun is warm and skies are clear.  The air is crisp and everyone leaves the windows open.  Saturday is football, but this year we get to watch Collin play as well.  He had his first game this past weekend.

He did really well, and was so excited to play.  He had been counting down to this all week.  Mouthguard in place, flags tied and he's ready to go.

What he doesn't understand is that if he plays for the Redskins, why is his game at a different time than the one on TV...yeah, we're working on that one.

Legare is not so impressed with Collin's performance, or that of the other players.

She found hopping, running and jumping on the sidewalk much more interesting.

Of course, after expending that kind of energy she had to have a snack (facing the opposite direction of the field).  Apparently if the Gamecocks aren't playing it's just not that cool.

Collin's team lost the game, but played well.  In the end, he had a great time and is practicing in the yard to be better next week.  As long as he's happy with himself we think he did well.

After the game it was off to the airport to meet Dusty.  Yes, Dusty, as in the star of the Disney movie planes.  

The amazing thing about living where we do and having a spouse/parent who works in the aviation industry is our access to some really cool stuff.  One of the guys who works at Test Pilot School owns a crop duster, just like Dusty.  Since the base movie theatre was showing Planes this past Saturday, Mr. Lowry allowed the children to come out and meet Dusty.

 




After a tour of the plane and watching some others take off, it was home for college football and a cook out with friends.  Inspite of a dirty kitchen, when all was said and done we had a wonderfully perfect day!

Quick Trip

We used to do a lot more of those than we seem to be able to do now, but we were able to break away for the weekend and get home to see Robert's parents.  The excuse was the annual start to dove season (which we missed because it fell on the Monday of the labor day weekend, so we were there this past weekend for the hunt).  I think the hunt may actually have been more like a picnic, but the guys had some much needed time together outside.  In the meantime chaos reigned inside, outside and all around.

We (Brian, Erika, Robert and myself) laugh often because for years Robert's parents were begging for grandchildren.  In less than 5 years they got 5.  While we love being together, it's always crazy with 5 children, 5 and under running around.

They do love each other so much and enjoy their time together.  Stella even planned a suprise party for Collin, just because.  She set up games, crafts and snacks for their party on the porch.  As the kiddos get older we encourage more and more time outside, keeps the house a little more calm and is GREAT for them.  There is plenty of space for them to run and play and enjoy the outdoors.

Nana even joins them most of the time.

Collin is always up for a game of croquet with whoever will play, or just by himself.

Then, of course, there was Carolina football!  

Inspite of our house full of gameday gear we couldn't push the Gamecocks to victory.  It was disappointing, but fun to watch the game with a house full of family.

Mr. Wicker loves the presence of his family at church, particularly when it's time for the children's sermon.  He even doesn't mind when Legare claps and yells, "yay!" as he finishes the prayer.

We had a wonderful lunch at the Belmont Inn in Abbeville.  The food was delicious, the children behaved and wonderfully and it was a beautiful place.

After lunch Legare enjoyed helping emerson learn to walk.

Nana had some time with her kiddos,

and there was even a game of hide n go seek.

 and some family pictures

It was definitely a quick trip, but it was a wonderful visit.